Domestic violence

Domestic violence should not happen to anybody. Ever. Period. But it does - and when it does, there is help. Maybe you have lived with abuse, maybe it happened just once; maybe you work or live next to someone who is being abused right now. Whoever you are, we can help locally.

Symptoms

Feeling excessively controlled (such as having their partner keep excessive track of daily activities and associations, or being demeaned by critical remarks, insults and name calling),

Besides the more obvious acts of abuse, like kicking, punching, or throwing objects there are a number of warning signs for friends, family members, and co-workers for recognising people who may be victims of intimate partner abuse. Specifically, teens, men, or women who are often absent from school or work, have numerous injuries they try to explain, low self-esteem, show a change in their personality, fear of conflicts, passive aggressive behavior, blame themselves, seem isolated, or demonstrate stress-related physical symptoms (for example, headaches, stomach upset, sleep problems, or skin rashes) may be experiencing abuse in their relationship.

Causes

Although there is no specific cause for domestic violence, women at the highest risk for being the victim of domestic violence include those with male partners who abuse drugs (especially alcohol), are unemployed or underemployed, have not graduated from college or university, and are or have been in a romantic relationship with the victim.

Unmarried individuals in heterosexual relationships tend to be more at risk for becoming victims of intimate partner abuse. A mind-set that gives men power over women puts individuals at risk for becoming involved in an abusive relationship, either as a perpetrator or as a victim. Domestic violence against women tends to be reported more often by victims who are in a relationship with a man with more conservative religious views than their own, regardless of whether or not the couple is of the same or different religions or denominations.Regular attendance at religious services is also apparently associated with less reported intimate partner abuse.

Research shows that those who grew up in a household in which domestic violence took place are more likely to become either perpetrators or victims of intimate partner violence as adults. Teenagers who suffer from mental illness are also at risk for being an abusive relationship as young adults, another risk factor for teen dating/domestic violence include lower grades

When is it right to seek help

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the toll on your self-esteem. You may become depressed and anxious. You may begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself or wonder if the abuse is your fault. You may feel helpless or paralysed. If you're in a lesbian relationship, you may be less likely to seek help after an assault if you don't want to disclose your sexual orientation. If you've been sexually assaulted by another woman, you may also fear that you won't be believed. Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action — and the sooner the better.

Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, relative, doctor or other close contact. At first, you may find it hard to talk about the abuse. But you'll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

The next step

Some people fear seeking help in case the abuser (the person carrying out domestic violence) finds out and becomes even more violent. Many people rely on their abuser for financial support or are reluctant to split up the family by taking the children when they leave. And there are many people who have strong feelings towards their abuser - despite the violence - and cannot imagine life without them.

You are not alone. There are many organisations that can help you. You can talk to our experts in confidence, and think about your options before you make any decisions. Support, information and advice is available for anyone thinking about leaving a situation of domestic abuse or contacting the police.